because of HIM!

because of him..
i know how it feels to be in love..
i know how it feels to be in one-sided love..
and because of him i know how it feels being dumped by someone..

and because of him....
i almost decided to fall in love with someone whom had same gender with me
OMG! (God please forgive me)
because of him, i started to become a rough person, i don't want to be looks like a weak person..
so i had changed the way i talking to boys..i use rough words, and sometimes loud voice..
because of him, i am afraid to fall in love again..
that is why whenever i'm crushed on someone, i try my hard to avoid the feelings...
and whenever i know there is someone who likes me, i try to stay away from him..
and the worse is, i might make that guy hate me..
i know that guy will hurt, but my heart also will hurt..
but there is nothing that i can do about it...
my fear to fall in love again caused me to act like this.....................

i don't hate love...
i'm just fear to loved someone and to be loved by someone...
but i'm sure, one day i will manage to face this fear....
If God Willing!